When I started blogging, it was a little over a year ago and my blog was dedicated to dealing with bi-polar disorder and going off meds and onto vitamins, minerals and amino acids. I wasn't able to continue that treatment as I got very sick for 11 weeks. A year ago in March it will be a year since I was hospitalized twice for depression, going back on my meds, and getting them adjusted. I have been doing very well since then.
Part of the reason for that is that I have gotten a few things in my life in order. I was under a ton of stress in remodeling the house, keeping it "perfect" for potential buyers coming through, finally selling it, moving and purchasing a new house. Now, we are in our new home of five months, I don't feel totally "at home" here yet, but my fears about the area have been put to rest basically and our house is clean and organized.
But there were other things in my life that I needed to put into perspective. I decided I needed to give myself a break, a little breathing room and not try for perfection in everything because it is literally impossible. There is only one thing I can be perfect at and that is in being the best me I possibly can. I know my limits, what affects me adversely in different areas and try to avoid them. A year or so ago I made a list of my beliefs that I could share with my husband and both agree that we can live with them. I did that in the hospital and it has made the biggest difference ever since. I think it has made me healthier.
Working out has made me healthier too, no doubt about it. Joining weight watchers is keeping me on track weight-wise, and the total money makeover is stretching our imaginations in ways to keep costs down and get out of debt.
A year ago, I was going to Greece, but because of my new treatment, and illness I couldn't do it. But my brother is coming to see me and my husband in March and I'm so happy about that.
I feel relaxed. I don't feel that if I don't do thus and so that I am condemned. I'm trying to use my talents and I have been taking my time getting to know people yet still not making myself sick worrying about what they think of me. I'm just me.
I have not been seeing a psychologist, I barely think about it anymore. I do talk with my old therapist each quarter, but I'm moving that to every six months.
Being more at peace with myself has been so wonderful. I haven't lessened any expectations of myself, in fact I'm trying to stretch myself in trying to get illustrating jobs to do here at home, and am looking for a graphic arts position "on the outside".
I'm healthy, happy, still on medication that will likely be adjusted again, but my mouth opens now when I think things are not right and I don't hold things in anymore. This may make some people uncomfortable. I'm not obnoxious about it, I can still be kind, I just take a moment and give my opinion if I feel strongly about something. It's all good.
Financially we have a very short term emergency fund and we are prepped to pay off two - three debts on February first. Sooner if I can get my husband to go with it and realize we are being charged interest every day and everyday we can pay off these things sooner, the better. It is the taking money out of investments that is a sticky point. There is a measure of security there but we have to pay off our debt before investing in anything again. The market isn't that great now anyway. With our economy the smart thing is to get out of debt as fast as possible and get a six month emergency fund. Ours is not six months, it is minute, but it can handle emergencies.
And that's all I have to say about that.
A year of living like college students. Basically like living on nothing.
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