Unsettled But Stable

I started writing today needing to vent. So I wrote what I needed and then deleted it. I do a lot of complaining on facebook and a good friend disagrees with my political view. It is not worth losing a friendship over. I'm tired of complaining. I also see footage that is upsetting and isn't too good for my health. I am thinking of cancelling my facebook account. It is fun seeing what others are doing and saying. But I have such strong opinions about things, I'm afraid others are tired of seeing my face or reading my status. Facebook is supposed to be fun, not confrontational. I either need to lighten up, quit reading the news or get off of it.

Mentally, I have hit paydirt on my medications. I have been "normal" for a few months now. I have been cherishing every single day. And they have been good. It makes it easier to let go of some smaller things that in the past would seem huge, because I don't know when my mental state is going under again. I suggested to my psychologist that after a couple months in our new home, I would try the vitamins and minerals again. She said, "Why don't you get settled, have a good Christmas and try again in April or so..." I disputed it thinking surely in the next few months I would be settled and ready. But she said, "I know that's what you THINK, that's why I said it...I want you to wait seven months or so, so you are stable. Your medication is working well, you are in a good streak. But neither you nor I know how long that is going to last. But while you are doing well let's just have you stable for a while." We both laughed. My appointments with her are for maintenance, and because we do like each other it is always good to see her.

She is calling a friend she was in school with who practices in Champaign, Ill. to see if she takes private patients. She'll refer me if she can. I asked, "So,..does that mean we could actually be 'friends' then, if you aren't my doctor?" She said, "I think we could work something out.. :)" That made me smile too.

The year has gone so fast. I don't feel I have recovered fully from my illness in February or the snow into April, or being alone in the remodeling and selling of the house. But my doctors see a change and I have been coping better with those stressors. The house sold. We close on July 30th and we have found a home in Lovington, Illinois, 20 miles from Bob's office. I have not actually "seen" it in person. Bob described it over the phone. It is four acres of about 100 trees, a half-circle drive and a river running behind the property by about 10 feet or so. When he came home for the weekend, he showed me the pictures on his phone. He saw it and told the Realtor, "my wife would LOVE this." I told him to go ahead and make an offer, one counter and then she threw in the $8,000 John Deere lawn mower. It will be interesting mowing between the trees. But we were approved for financing and should close before the 4th of September (my mom's birthday)This just may be a bit of heaven, and a place to rest my bi-polar mind.

I have strong political views but am tired of ranting about them. I think I was better off without a daily voice. I used to write a column and had a lot of stories to tell. I think I will begin writing a daily column here on whatever is on my mind. And try very hard not to get into politics. (although, for history's sake, I may type a line or two of facts.")This is a forum I am used to. Column-style.

My book: I have seven people I am interviewing across the country and will be interviewing and photographing more in the future. One key "element" in the book is the fact that chemically we are worth less than $2. I've talked with a couple people at the Museum of Science and Industry in Southern Cal. The name of the book is called "The Museum Collection." I've been doing quite a bit of research on the internet and in the library. It probably sounds like a dry book, but it has a heart to it. I feel that writing this book is one of the reasons I was placed here on earth. That can be disputed but that is what I believe.

Disjointed and jumbled, that is what this post has been. Maybe you can decipher it. Good luck and have a GREAT 4th of JULY!!