God Was My Co-Pilot

It has been a while since I have written. Mostly things have been going well. I had a car accident which has changed my perspective a bit.

I was on my way home from Decatur Illinois, merging into the Interstate 72 around Springfield. It was one of those.. you get on while someone is crossing to get off. I do not know how this happened, I just know I ran into a semi while trying to get on. Going about 65mph. My driver's side mirror crashed against my window immediately and I had a vision that "this is it" I didn't think I was going to make it. I said, "Oh, Crap!" as I straightened my steering wheel out. I was sure I was going to jerk the wheel and over-correct I was sure I was going to spin and end up in the bottom of a lot of metal. But I straightened out, the semi kept going straight. And we both pulled over to the shoulder.

All I could say was "I'm sorry". I didn't cry, wasn't too confused or distracted. Called my insurance, called the police, talked to a witness who pulled over behind us. The truck driver was fine, he checked out his damage and it was basically a couple scratches. I was fine, my car didn't really get hurt too bad, the mirror was hanging by a thread, there were deep gashes along my side of the car, bent fender and bumper and the driver's side back window shattered.

I had been working on our house so long and concentrated on that that I didn't realize that my licence had expired as well as the tags on my car. So two tickets. Illegal lane usage and driving without a license. I have a court date of July 8 in a courthouse in Springfield.

Now here is the interesting part. In my mind's eye at the instant my mirror got hit I just KNEW that my number was up. Now knowing my past history of depression and suicidal ideation I realized when I got to the side of the road...I missed my golden opportunity. Had I over corrected or swerved at all, I wouldn't be here. Or there would be little left of me. To me that meant that God wants me to stay around here a while longer. I felt a little upset, because I have only had three tickets in 30 years, and I don't think I will be in that situation again. I would be gone in an instant and not on purpose. But I am still here. And I feel fine! I feel good in fact. And I did have an opportunity to be gone and with God's help at the wheel and organic self preservation I avoided it.

As I said, I didn't cry, I was calm, was interviewed by the insurance adjuster for the other vehicle and was very calm with the police. I think he must have thought I was having a difficult day, therefore he didn't give me a ticket due to expired plates (the front of which had been stolen the week before!)

I have been feeling well and have not been dreading the future. It can all change, I understand that, that is the nature of the beast of Bi-Polar, but I have a lot of ammunition in my coping skills department.

Monday I had an appointment with my Psychiatrist and he couldn't believe how well I was doing. The med adjustment was spot on, and because Irecord! Actually I may not be living in Iowa, we are negotiating a price with potential buyers for our house! I am making the most of every day I feel good! I practice my skills when I start to get edgy. But most of all I am allowing myself to ENJOY my day! It's a wonderful life at present.

Just don't get me started on politics and Freedom. My anger there would fill volumes.

Have a great day!