Acceptance

My gosh it HAS been awhile since I have written. I have been working nearly endlessly on our house to have it ready to sell. Everyday a new project and just when you finish one you see something else that really needs to get done too. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!

This morning we accepted an offer on the house about $9,000 less than priced but that is okay. Hopefully soon my husband and I can live under the same roof again! He's not coming home for Father's day which disappointed me. I was going to take him to the IMAX in Davenport to see the 3D documentary of astronauts fixing the Hubble space telescope. I went with a friend a few days ago. It was so amazing! Just solidified my need to write my book called the Museum Collection. I'll tell you about it later.

I don't know if I wrote in here about my experience...yes I did with the hospital in Clinton Iowa. That was where I came about my release and acceptance. It was on the same lines as spirituality. I was fighting the disease, fighting the pain, feeling like every cell in my body was saturated with tears. I was raining tears unchecked down my face and I couldn't open my eyes. Finally I gave up and let it consume me. A choice, an element of control. And my spiritual wall that I have been fighting for thirty years came down and it was as if a knife was removed from my chest. This time it was more than depression, it was an awakening for me.

Not much has changed, I just feel like less of a hypocrit. I feel I have a very strong relationship with God, my heavenly Father and his Son Jesus Christ. Those are the basis of my core beliefs.

I have been feeling better over the past few weeks than I have since July of 09. I did what I had to do and said what needed to be said, and I feel I am on the even keel of God's good graces again. I won't discuss this, but it has given me the ability of choice and the acceptance of the pain passing through me cut my pain in half. Now I Know that I have more amunition to fight through, go through another bout with depression. Also I have been celebrating my good days, Thanking God for the knowledge of choice. The next bout, I will breathe, suck it in, sit quietly and let it happen and beg God for the strength to endure it.

Also lately I have been troubled by politics. I feel we are under a tyrant's thumb. When we have to sign petitions and beg for off shore drilling to continue and the answer is no.. and the president clearly does not care or listen to the people. I would like to hope that we have a chance to vote in November, but I think tyranny, unemployment, martial law are all posibilities.

I do not think I am out of my mind when I say I believe these to be the last days. Obama wants to be a dictator, he has the following of a rock star. Our country is at stake and I think it is dangerous for the president to sign executive orders that remove opportunities for this county's economic restoration. More unemployment, environmental disaster that he is s.o. yawn..p a s s i o n a t e about. His agenda is what he is pushing and doesn't give a crap about any one or any thing this country is telling him. we have elected a king, and we are peasants without a voice. I don't know if we will have the opportunity to vote, and in one city with a large latino population, they started a new voting system that gives the latinos 6 votes. They can use those votes in different areas of the ballot, or use all 6 behind one candidate. What has this country come to?

Am I afraid? I have to say that I am. But my feeling of acceptance of things is what is going to get me through. All I can say is buckle up America we are in for the ride of our lives!