Sieze the Day and Rejoice

We had a very nice Easter. Everyone was home and we flew kites in the backyard. That was fun. You can never really have too much candy. It was good that I lost 20 pounds during my depression it gives me a little bit of excuse to over-indulge

I'm thankful for my Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ who took upon Him all the sins of the world so that through Him we might be saved. Part of my new morning regiment is to get to my knees and thank Him for his sacrifice. I try to keep Him in mind all day. I am writing up scriptures on little pieces of paper to leave in various places in the house as reminders of His love and the power of God.

Medication is wonderful when it is working. It is a gift of God. Today it is working. Thank you God. Because I have had more bouts of depression this year than ever, I can now appreciate with more enthusiasm the gift of every good day. I am trying to accept my illness as just an illness, a form of grief that will end and I will go into remission for a time. With God all things are possible and I know that this is one of those things that require a miracle to change. If I had but the faith of a mustard seed... This is the day that the Lord hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.

While in the hospital I had time to write my new morning/day routine. It is slightly different from the one with five items to do. There are more things to do. This morning I went back to bed for half an hour and I slept two. But when I got up I took care of a few of my morning doings. It is not slothfulness when your brain is healing and you need to take a break.

Prayer is of the utmost importance. When your mind is in pain there is nothing it can grasp and hold. As I write down scriptures of hope to leave around the house (kind of like in the book, The House Without a Christmas Tree)I begin to memorize them. I read them out loud. I need to replace my automatic thoughts now while I still can to uplifting scriptures and quotes. I don't know how long this remission will last, so I have to infuse my mind with good things. Depression is horrible with it's grief and magnetic negativity. So I will feed it good thoughts. This sounds so contradictory to my post of wanting to put my arm through a double paned window. It goes to show that depression can be that all-encompassing. I need threads to hold to. Even a spider webs breadth is all there is at times. But God is over ALL and I must grip even the narrowest of threads to lift me. It is my lifeline.

People have called me tough. I guess in a way I can be tough just making it through every day. But it is difficult to be tough when you are nothing but powder. I know that God lives and can take that powder which I have become to build it up to a resilent being. I am happy for a break.

Here are a few paragraphs from the book "Positive Thinking for a Time Like This" in which Norman Vincent Peale compares faith to and enthusiasm and strength.
"Enthusiasm can work for you, and its absence can equally work against you. This is a fact because of the immense importance of spirit in successful life performance. Whatever happens, whatever losses you suffer, if you don't let your spirit sag or collapse, your comeback capacity will keep working; and all of us have this comeback potential. But when your spirit cools, then your personality may become brittle and , whereas before you could withstand even the heaviest knocks, now comparatively insignificant blows can crack and even break you.
"In a brass foundry I watched molten metal at two thousand two hundred degrees being poured out of huge crucibles made of some translucent material that when hot glowed like fire. The foundry superintendent who was showing me around took a huge sledge and holding it in both hands delivered powerful blows against a hot emptly crucible. The best he could do was to put almost imperceptible dents into its sides. Then he picked up a small hammer and approace a crucible that had completely cooled off. With a short motion only from the wrist he tapped the cold crucible and shattered it. he said, "and anything can break them when it is cold." Then he added, thereby revealing himself as a philosopher of sorts: It's pretty hard to break a man whose spirit is hot; but even small things will bust him wide open when his spirit goes cold."

That was a good way of saying that lack of enthusiasm works against you, whereas it's like magic when working for you.

I must be actively engaged in a good cause. I have my ideas, I think I wrote some of them in my previous blog. Today is Monday and the flowers in the flourist's shop are freshest. Today I will buy a single rose to present to the woman at the library "just because" I need happy experiences to draw on. Seize the Day and Rejoice!