The sun is shining and I am feeling okay. It happens so rarely, always waiting for the other shoe to drop wondering if I will possibly live through the next bout on my own.
So today, this moment I feel okay.
I bought a sleep aid today earlier to have on hand when the pain which is akin to intense grief that doesn't come in waves but persists. I actually had to explain to my psychiatrist what pain I was referring to when I told him about my curling up on the couch crying. He asked if it was my fibromyalgia... I don't have fibromyalgia. I had to explain this pain to a man who is an MD specializing in psychiatry what psychological pain feels like.
That was amazing. I think I might print out some of my experiences for him to read to understand what MY depression feels like.
Just had some cocoa and Lorna Doone cookies. The bathroom is 80% done and I have running water again! I think I'll go cuddle with my husband while I have the chance.
A year of living like college students. Basically like living on nothing.
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