A Slight Detour

My journey to wellness is taking a detour. I am very sick and can't continue with the supplements as planned. This is a huge disappointment. I am being treated for infection, imflamation and another condition. The pain killers are making a dent, but I am making slow progress on getting well.

After talking this over with my doctor, counselor and my husband I have had to make the decision to wait until another time to pursue this goal. I am now a walking medicine cabinet. Monday I will begin taking my psych meds at higher dosages.

I am in depression and physically ill. Trying to repair the house and prepare to sell it without my husband here is difficult under ordinary circumstances. Add the illnesses to it and it feels nearly impossible. To take my meds at the current dosages I have to open the pills and count out beads or dump one capsule and use a knife to separate the contents into half, then a fourth, then an eigth, subtract the eigth and pour the remaining back into the capsule. Here I am whining. The fact is, I haven't been able to eat due to both the illness and depression and my hands shake. Trying to count out beads in the palm of my hand, I can't concentrate enough to do it. Shaking makes me spill. I have been doing it and will continue until I get my doctor's orders Monday.

I will take vitamins on a regular basis, not the amount I have been at. I'm a little nervous about how my brain will react to the adjustment. I was instructed to go off of the supplements and back up to my regular dosages. That will be quite a jump. That is why I am waiting until Monday so that I can do this under doctor's supervision. Vitamins are not stored in the body, so once I stop taking the supplements, my brain will need something to help with my bi-polar disorder.

I will continue to take the Amino acids when I feel anxiety as well as inositol powder. Those seem to help even while I am at this point. I will get well. I have to. As I talked with the counselor about the supplements she told me that with everything on my plate right now, this is not a good time. This needs to be done when you have few responsibilities and the opportunity to have plenty of rest. Rest in order for the brain to heal. That is what is happening to the brain, and it is not an easy process. She told me that this last reduction was very difficult and that the following reductions would only get harder. I hate to admit defeat, so I won't, I will just take this on at a later date. I have had too many tastes of normal to want to accept the psych med reality. I will slap the bandaid back on for now, and tackle this later.

For those of you who have read along with my journey, thank you for your support. I will not be needing to record any longer this transition. Hopefully it will be within the year my husband and I will have sold this house, be back together in another one. If I could fast forward to the eventuality of that reality I would. But for now I must have patience and take care of myself while going through these stressors.

I'm acutely aware of the love shown me by others and my responsibility to remember that when I am down. Failure is not an option.