Reducing Meds, Managing Issues

Ah, just had a good breakfast after a nice shower. A pleasant morning following a tough night. The sun is shining today on the winter blanket outside. We have a record for number of days with snow on the ground at 62 (not consecutive thankfully).

Our upstairs bathroom is torn up but the leak has been found and is an easy fix. The downstairs bathroom isn't working very well right now, a problem with the toilet and that now needs to be fixed. Friday the tub upstairs and toilet will be taken out, and hopefully Monday the new floor can be put in. Maybe Saturday I will get the mural up. My back is knotting up with stress. I am going to get a massage on Friday. I haven't had a massage in two years. That is how much I hurt.

I was able to make a reduction to my meds beginning last night. I am now off of Lamictal, down from original 300mg. My Geodon is now at 120, Wellbutrin is 150, Clonazapam is still at .5 and Effexor is now at 112.5mg. I called my doctor's office with the new reduced amounts. He was out of the office but the nurse asked if I had any self harm thoughts. No. That was easy. I find that I can get down in the evenings so I have upped my amino acids and inositol powder. That is supposed to help with anxiety.

I woke up this morning at 4:00, checked out facebook, read a friend's blog and went back to bed. Then once I was up again at 6:30 I started packing away more stuff and throwing out things. I have little doubt that we will still move some "junk" but I am really trying to keep that to a minimum. My husband is very sentimental and so am I actually. So I must keep some things kind of sacred. I came across a couple things this morning that just by touching them brought back the feeling of a day. That is a certain kind of magic, especially when you haven't seen something in so long. I have learned that things are just that, things. The most important part of our lives are our relationships and the people we love. Tactile reminders are nice but too many of them overwhelm our lives I think. That is what I am trying to manage, categorizing them and giving away the useful things that we don't need anymore.

I got an interesting phone call yesterday. The Lord works in mysterious ways. I am grateful for that. Kind of a new chapter in a difficult story. I won't be seeing my psychologist tomorrow but I have left a message about this and my medication update. My appointments are a habit I am trying to replace. It is a close relationship. She knows more about me than anyone in the world just about. I know I have shared close and somewhat intimate details here that I kind of regret, but there it is. My psychologist has been able to help me sort through a tremendous amount of baggage. This phone call just opened a door to a room I hadn't visited for a while. Not a bad thing, but I can become flooded with emotion in association with this issue. Just knowing how I can get makes me feel somewhat self-aware. I'm sure I will manage this.

In Gratitude: I'm thankful for my friends and family who are so supportive. My husband and what he does and his incredible compassion and patience which are priceless. I thank God for His hand in my life even with my questions and uncertainties. I know Christ loves me and is there always.

Have a great day. Spring has got to be just around the corner!