The Power of Choice

Its a good day to stay inside. We have about an inch of snow on the ground, nothing terrible, just a nice day to do some packing, cleaning and reading. I won't venture out to the Y today, I'll do some exercise here at home. I'm still having some pain, but it is easing.

The first thing done this morning was making a call to my counselor in med reduction. Clonazapam is now at .50; Effexor at 140.63; Geodon: 150; Lamictal: 75 and Wellbutrin 187.5. These dosages are in milligrams.

I had a good night's sleep, dreamt about Disneyland and being the first one in the park to choose any ride I wanted. Choices are good. I would like to be able to go to Disneyland again, I used to go several times a year when I was growing up in Los Angeles. My friend Janna and I spent a lot of money, because we each had jobs and were living at home with no rent. Those were the days. We had a blast!

One time we decided to empty our pockets of our funds and before leaving the park used everything we had to buy as many huge Mickey Mouse ear balloons as we could afford. Not the wisest choice as we had to travel home in Janna's pickup. Driving down the 605 we got pulled over. We had nine mouse ear helium balloons in Jannas cab and hanging out her windows. It was night. The officer walked up to us laughing. I had about 4 balloons corralled holding them down in the cab. The officer asked us, "Can you even SEE out your windows?" "Not really." Janna said. We were laughing pretty hard ourselves. The officer suggested we get rid of some of them. So what else were we supposed to do? The only answer involved inhaling them! That was a waste of hard earned cash but the memory has lasted a lifetime. I'm glad we didn't get into an accident due to such poor judgement. I'm sure it was one of the officer's more enjoyable tasks that week.

Choice is a powerful thing. I'm glad I have the opportunity now to choose my course of treatment. With the healthcare debate and plans being so covert at the capital, I don't know what my choices will be in the future, therefore I'm glad I have the chance to exercise my agency regarding my treatment now.

We are in a land of choice, we have freedom, but people with mental illness are prisoners to paranoia, anxiety, depression, stigma, loss of respect and alienation. Things don't have to be that way. If I can make it through these med reductions and become healthier because of them, what a wonderful consequence.

I hope that my progress gives someone else hope. It has proved to be the right thing for me and God has blessed me with few side effects. I have heard and read that this process can be very difficult, I know I'm not out of the woods yet, but it is a path I choose.