A Clean Sweep

Happy Groundhog Day! Looks like we'll have eight more weeks of winter. It's Tuesday morning and last night was rough. Couldn't sleep until exhaustion overtook me around 2 a.m. Still fighting my illness but doing much better. Thankfully. I have an appointment with a specialist tomorrow. Hopefully I can get straightened out.

I called Truehope this morning and did not have my meds reduced, they are going to keep me here for a few more days. Maybe I will have another great day before I reduce again. Today I will go to Lowes and pick up the paint for our upstairs bathroom. Very excited about what the end result will be. It is all a process. Things will be better looking than they are now and knowing I have help in both the house and my transition makes me feel less overwhelmed.

All of what is going on is symbolic of the changes going on within. Physically moving to a new place with a fresh start is in essence what I am doing with my meds. Giving my mind a clean slate, and keeping only the best of the best. My daughter wants to do a "clean sweep" of our kitchen and she has my permission. I will be out of town and she and her fiance will come and take out everything she thinks we don't need. Then she'll put everything in a box and only if I ask about something will she bring it back in. I am so excited about that. She can take on the rest of the house if she wishes too!

So my house will get a clean sweep and I'm sweeping my brain of these toxic drugs. I am getting to that crucial six week mark where patients "wake up". I don't think I have done too many things in the past that will come back to bite me, I hope not. There are some things that I have done in the past that were very poor choices, no doubt about it. I guess we'd all like to forget a lot of the things we have done at one time or another. I think one of the keys of moving on is forgiveness. Just as we forgive others without much thought, we are toughest on ourselves. I am committed to the idea of forgiving myself for my past actions. Not all of them have been done while I was in my right mind. A lot of things were done out of desperation. But being able to step back and look at it like that will take a bit of concentration. I know how easily I can be swept into a feeling. Guilt and grief are right out there and two of the easiest emotions for me to fall into. I hope I can look at things objectively.

It is getting easier to discard items. That can be symbolic as well. For everything I discard in the house I know I can discard certain behaviors and grudges that I have hung on to for so long. I'm hoping for a feeling of lightness; lightness of heart and mind. The fewer things you posess the fewer ties to materialistic things you have. I want to dwell on simplicity, family and eternity.

That's all for today. Have a great one!