One Reason for PTSD

So far, so good. Last night I got my butt kicked in Tae Kwon Do sparring with the instructor. Thursday I test for my new belt. I used to be an orange belt years ago and the instructor is taking that into account, but I probably won't advance beyond that in this test. I'm at the point where I'm thinking, "I'm getting too old for this." I may be getting older, but I am getting fitter with going to the "Y" doing cardio and weights and making it through self defense classes. Every class I feel more empowered to fight off an enemy.

I have PTSD or posttraumatic stress disorder. One of the reasons for this comes from the area I grew up in and is one of the reasons I take Tae Kwon Do. I learned at a very young age the way to get away from an attacker when my family took combination self defense of Judo, Karate and Jujitsu. I came away knowing I could throw my 240 pound, 6ft tall dad, how to gouge someones eyes out and how to get away from a grab. The grab move is what kept me from being abducted when I was 17.

I was on my way to work at a local Elementary School as a teacher's aid in music my senior year of high school. I only had school half days so that gave me the chance to walk over to the elementary school about a mile and a half away to work.

On my way this one day I was walking facing traffic as I was taught by my dad who was a police officer. Three quarters of the way to my job a green sedan squealed to a stop, a blond haired guy jumped out, grabbed my wrist and started dragging me to the car. I learned you are supposed to yell "fire" to get attention, but I couldn't make a sound. It was a busy street and there were many witnesses, it just happened so fast. I remembered to twist my hand toward the attacker's thumb and run. I did so and ran in the opposite direction of the way I had been walking so that the guy would have to go around the outside of his car door to follow me. It slowed him down enough to frustrate him. There was an audience, and he got back in the car and they sped away.

I always wondered if they found someone farther down the street who didn't know how to get away. People at the scene gathered around, there were no cell phones at the time, no one called the police and I went on to work. When I got home, after taking the bus that time, I told my parents and my dad said, "well, its a good thing you knew what to do." End of discussion. That was kind of my life. There are many good reasons why I startle easily and can jump if someone even says, "hi" to me. Too many and no need to put them down here. It is just one of the reasons I have chosen self defense as a necessity, not a luxury.

I'm learning more every class. It has been twenty years since my last Tae Kwon Do class, although our master intructor from that time is still one of my family's best friends and we have occasionally broken boards and practiced skills when we have gone to visit. In this Tae Kwon Do class we focus very specifically on self defense and not so much on forms. The instructor is a former police officer and has given us many very logical reasons for moving in or out in the way we do as the fight or flight response kicks in.

Outside drizzle freezes as it hits any surface. That is okay since I have many things to do here at home. Painting, packing, cleaning. I stopped at the store last night after class for some fresh fruit and I am set. I threw some salt on our cement and came back inside this morning.

After reducing my Clonazapam by an eighth again I am doing fine. I have not had any shaking or other withdrawal symptoms. On my symptom evaluation form that I fill out every morning I was able to have 15 complete zeros in response to the questions about anxiety, irritability, racing thoughts, etc.

It is a good day! Chalk one more up to vitamins and minerals! Have a great day!