A new day

I woke up this morning at 6:00. Last night Bob read some poems from my favorite books. I was feeling wiped out and needed a little help getting my mind on pleasant things. He is so wonderful to do this for me. When I was a kid I "lived" in illustrated children's books. Maybe that is why I am so interested in children's literature. It was my "safe place" to escape from the things in my life that terrified me. So last night I went to sleep at 9:00 and when I woke up at 6:00 I felt like I had just closed my eyes. No dreams to remember.

This morning a friend is coming over for tea. This is a self soothing activity, something that gets me out of myself, but gives me pleasure and company and what that brings at the same time. The conversations during these times almost always uplift me.

Bi-Polar Disorder is something that has to be watched and managed. It is insidious in that times of depression can come on so gradually that I am not aware of it until I am struggling. Then I try to "handle" it by not telling anyone just how I am feeling, trying to tough it out. The stigma of mental illness being a character flaw is false, yet I fall into trying not to let on how hard it is so people will think I'm okay. I don't want to infringe on their time, I don't want to complain. There are so many people who are dealing with their own trials and tragedies. Bi-Polar can become tragic when the depression gets to the point of futileness. Hopelessness and being tired of dealing with thoughts of death, that I don't want to take my life but please let this agony end.

I am not there today.

I am looking forward to another "normal" day. Tea, work out at the YMCA, pack for our move to Illinois whenever we finish getting this house in order and sell it. Some of the things I like to do will have to be on hold as I pack and get the house ready for the market.

I am lining up "babysitters" for when I will be alone. Transitioning from meds to Vitamin and mineral supplements and amino acids will not be easy. I have read and heard too many testimonials to kid myself. I am bracing for it and am ready to take on today