Discarding the Past in Home and Mind

A new day. It is foggy outside and we are looking at possible freezing rain in the forecast. That is opposite of my feelings however.

Yesterday turned out to be a good one and I am looking forward to another great day! I spoke with my counselor and so this morning I reduced my clonazapam by .25 percent on my morning dose bringing my total dosage down from 2mg per day to 1.25. I am making progress. At this point I also increased my supplements from six to seven capsules per day.

I have many days in my arsenal of memories of good days to weather the days of withdrawal. Each day brings me closer to my hope of a normal life.

Yesterday my daughter and her fiance were here and painted the kitchen. I am so excited about that. Each thing that gets done is one step closer to selling the house. We are painting all of the trim in a gloss white. Other than the yellow walls we have a contrast of blue wallpaper making it a French provencial look. We are adding white wainscotting and chair rail along the yellow walls and repainting the cupboards with a fresh coat of the white gloss that is being used on the trim. It is sunny and warm looking. A long time coming, I think it is going to look great.

Forging ahead with decorating and packing makes me feel calm. Decluttering, putting my house in order is an outward evidence of the process taking place within me. Putting the past behind, letting go of things that are no longer needful is a very purifying experience.

I've read a few books on decluttering, two by Don Aslett, America's cleaning and organizing expert. One book not by Aslett gave me the best advice on why we hang on to our old stuff. It is like when someone gives you a gift, it is placed in your hands and is now your responsibility. It is something to be used and loved, you may have mixed feelings about it, but you hang onto it anyway. Now multiply that by every item in your home. A blouse, the apple peeler, a magazine with the great pictures of what your house could look like, the stuffed animal you got when you were in the hospital and someone you love gave it to you. All of the emotion and stories associated with these items.

We must pick up the item and ask ourselves, "Do I need this?" "Will I wear it?" "Is it beautiful?" "Can I live without it?" "Is it here just because I don't want to offend the giver?" Questions such as these are good ones because you can release yourself from each item's hold over you. You only need just so many pages of pictures in crayon that your child made twenty years ago. Really. This has given me the power to discard many things, and not just discard, but share by giving to the Salvation Army or Good will. Just because things have ceased being of use or of importance to me doesn't mean that they cannot be of use to someone else.

Nicer things I have put in a consignment shop and collect a little cash at the end of the month. This all helps cleaning out the corners, knowing closets are free to hold just what I need and when I close the door there is peace. I don't know about you, but there is something so calming about a freshly vacuumed carpet and everything in it's place, few things at that, making life simpler.

My mind has been cluttered long enough, it is time to move on.

On that note I leave you to your day, hoping it is a happy one. :)